My Mother's Purse

Yesterday was a sad day in the journey of taking care of my mother.   I cleaned out some clothes from her closet and found her purse in a drawer.  I asked the beloved care provider at the home about the purse and she confirmed that mom does not use it or look for it any longer.

A little over a year ago, my Dad left this planet and with him, the best medicine my mom ever had for her dementia.  They were a brain trust!  He talked to her and oriented her to the day's events and she fixed him food and cared for him like no other.

My parents were together for 50+ years. They blended two broken families crippled by the loss of a parent,  into one family and raised 10 kids. They worked together selling medical books, a job my mom took over when my dad "retired" stopped officially working. She was 16 years younger than my dad and the love of his life.  She was smart, capable, organized and had a successful professional career as a book salesman and  regional manager, that started when I (her baby) was in high school.

Twenty two years ago when we invited my parents to move out to some land and live next to us, we promised to take care of them as they aged.  I had no idea what we were promising.  My help which started out with taking care of their bills and travel arrangements, grew to running a staff of five and being "on call" at all hours to assist my parents with whatever they needed.

One of my favorite examples of this is the time they called me to tell me the phone wasn't working. I questioned this, as I pointed out we were talking on the phone  at this very moment.  They insisted it was a miracle we were talking and most of the phones in the house were "going down".  I raced home to help rescue the sinking ship of phones.

Once Dad was gone, we moved Mom to a board and care facility with memory assistance. I visited often and took her out on the town for mexican food, church, manicures and hamburgers.  In the home she was always asking and looking for my dad, her purse and me.  A little over a year  has passed and my mom is slipping away without my dad's diligent reminders and frequent nagging.  She is more settled in the home, but she is too weak to take out on outings and no longer is looking for her purse.

It took me aback when I stumbled onto it in her drawer. I am thankful she is more settled at her facility, but sad she is not missing her purse in a strange way. Another piece of my mom slipping away.

I brought the purse home and it sat on my desk for a while. Then I forced myself to go through  it. It doesn't feel right to go through someone's purse before their body has left this planet. It dawned on me, I never pictured doing this unless I had said my goodbyes and attended her funeral. But this is not the case with dementia.  The standard rules do not apply.  I placed her wallet in the financial box I keep my parent's paperwork in, next to my dad's wallet. Again the strange feelings washed over me, for my Dad was physically gone, but my mom is still here.  I had an urge to put her wallet back together and place it in her purse and rush it back to her.  I pushed those urges away as I wiped away a tear.

My mom is leaving this planet slowly, painfully and ever so slightly every day.  Her grey curly hair and blue eyes are still with us, but her grasp on who she was is vanishing.  I am thankful she still recognizes me and can laugh at my silly antics, but the body that I visit holds just a whisper of my mother.

Her purse now sits by my door and I am thinking of taking it to the goodwill or other charity organization where I have deposited far too many of my parent's belongings.  The purse may have to wait and go back in my closet until my mother's body and mind are together once again some day in heaven.  Perhaps, Then and only then will I truly believe she doesn't need it anymore.

Wedding Bells

Last July I traveled to Texas to attend a niece's wedding. This niece was the flower girl in my own ceremony in 1991. I traveled by air with my daughter and parents in tow. Many from my big family made the trip. I have two siblings who live in Texas so we stayed with my sister. My brother, the father of the bride, had his hands full getting ready for the wedding.

We had 16 people staying in a five bedroom house and we used every inch of the floor plan! My daughter and I camped in the front living room with more female kins folk. It was wonderful to be with both of my sisters and all our girls (the sistercousins).

We were having fun shopping, doing nails and generally staying up way to late. We had several fashion shows trying to determine what to wear and what not to wear to the wedding.

The low point = 16 sleep deprived people in one house with a 4 cup coffee pot!

The high point = Watching my 94 year old father dance with my 10 year old daughter, (these two danced the most of any one that night.. the oldest and the youngest.)
Reflecting back on my own wedding 18 years ago. Witnessing my flower girl now a bride, make one of the biggest commitments in life.

My hope for her... that she will enjoy the journey of building a life together with her love as I have with mine.

Oh Brother

Two of my brothers and their wives came to town to visit. One from out of state and one from a different part of California. My two brothers who live close by also joined in the fun. We were pleased to have the company of three of my beautiful adult nieces.

Highlights included:

My brother recording our 93 year old father reminiscing about his life. (3 hours worth!)

Some live bluegrass music, courtesy of two brothers and some good friends.




Alot of laptops, we are quite a "techie" family.


At one point there were five of us with laptops running.

I love my big brothers and their families. I feel very blessed to be part of this big family. We had a fantastic visit. To check out more photostory friday posts click here.

Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

Sister Cousins

I consider myself very blessed to have two wonderful sisters. We have so much fun together. We love shopping, staying up late, doing creative projects and just being together.

Recently my sisters came to town, both living far away and they arrived with their daughters in tow. We were all blessed to have a daughter, however none of our daughters have a sister.

As I prepared for my sisters arrival a pang of sadness washed over me for my girl. She will not have this experience (sisters coming to town) as she only has her one brother.

My sisters were on the same wavelength when they arrived they announced - "we have decided that the girls need to be sister cousins instead of just cousins." My funny sisters would say to one of the girls "go ask your sister" every chance they got. The girls were such good sports, they tolerated us with very few eye rolls. They genuinely love being together.

My sisters are a bit older. As I watched my nieces playing with their much younger cousin it was like looking back through a window in time. The age difference between myself and my sisters is so similar to our girls.

My Love's ideal family would be two girls and two boys - so each child would have a sister and a brother. Being a working mom I just couldn't rally for any more after two. So thank goodness my daughter has sister cousins.

Sisters - two in college and one in grade school many years ago.


Cousins Sister Cousins- two in college and one in grade school current day.

Vacation North - Fun Fun Fun!

Wow - what a trip - we fit in a lot. Yosemite

Our utimate destination the family cabin in Northern California.

We finished with the California coastline on the way home.

Summer in a Glass

Summer Strawberry Slush

6 ice cubes
16 strawberries ( frozen or fresh)
1/2 cup frozen concentrated lemonade*
1/2 cup water

Put all items in a blender and pulse until ice is crushed and ingredients are blended.

*You can use limeade instead of lemonade, but we prefer lemonade.

I make this drink every summer, it is a yummy treat that my kids love. When my big family comes to town, they all request this drink. With 22 people in my kitchen, my blender just keeps going... thank goodness. To me it represents summer in a glass.

One on One - no not basketball

Last night, my husband and son had to journey out to see the new Indiana Jones flick. Still too scary for my daughter, we all agreed.

So we girls went out to dinner. As I sat across from my bookworm, it was with pure joy that we ate, talked and hung out. It occurred to me, as it always does that one on one time with people is so pure and precious to me.

Being the youngest of ten, I can easily be the life of a party, but what I really crave is one on one time with individuals. Groups have never been my thing, maybe because I was raised in a large group (ten kids). I absolutely love my big family, and am so thankful for my upbringing. It has always made me value one on one time as a blessing. As a child I did not care to join the girl scouts or any other organized group. Today I am in a mom's group that goes out to dinner once a month. Although, I enjoy all the women there is a part of me that is always wanting to quit. I would prefer to go out to dinner with these women one at a time, through out the year.

So what a treat to be with my daughter and listen to her ideas about PE, favorite super hero powers, kids at school, funny teachers and the rest. I did not allow her to bring in her book from the car, or it would have been like eating dinner alone. At age nine her ultimate list of super powers include (not in order of importance):

*ability to fly.

*ability to talk to animals (including tigers without the tigers eating you).

*ability to transform into things.

*ability to transport (like we could have gone to Hawaii for dinner).

*being able to control the weather including making it snow, which of course would cancel school.

*having a magical car with a center console - you could type in anything you wanted and it would be provided ( her example was a new kitten or an iguana for her brother).

*to own a time machine ( this was a big desire when she was younger and would get hurt, she would lament "I wish I had a time machine!").

I was warned as we left the restaurant this list was not complete yet. As we drove home I was aware that if we all went to dinner, I may have not been provided with this list. I encourage all you moms of multiple children to carve out one on one time with each child now and again, it is so fun to get to know your kids individually.

Check out that Cap !

Another day and another graduation.

We had a wonderful time in Northern California celebrating the accomplishments of my niece.

This time it was especially exciting for me, because she is graduating with her Bachelors in Speech Pathology, my profession! I am so proud of her. I fondly remember her as a baby; white blond hair, walking really early, and oh so smart and cute.

What Defines You?

I have always been a thankful person, or just really blessed. Truth be known it is probably a little of both. A big part of what defines me comes from my history and how I came to be. I am the daughter of two widowers who found each other in the cemetery. My parents fell in love and blended a family by adopting each other's kids and adding two more. I am the baby of the family and my parents often taught me that God works in mysterious ways. They would remind me that good can come from bad and if they had not been widowed, I would not exist.

My mother lost her husband when her fourth child was just 8 days old. When my son was 8 days old, I cried off and on all day for the pain my mother must have experienced. I had never appreciated her pain untill I had a baby of my own.

Last year about this time, I received a call that an old friend had passed. She was unexpectedly hit by a car leaving her husband and four children alone in the world. We were childhood and high school friends and I kept up on her life through her extended family. It upset me so much especially for her children. It made me sad for my older siblings who had known this loss, the loss of a parent. This woman was a wonderful mother; strong, friendly and funny. No big hair, big make up, big attitude or pretense in this friend. I was upset that her daughter would loose the influence of such a strong woman.

Fate would have me sitting alone in church the next Sunday, some strange scheduling where my kids and husband had gone to church early. It was a Divine appointment, the sermon was titled, "Dealing with the Tough Stuff." During the service through tears, I finally had some peace about the untimely death of this friend.

This loss will certainly be part of what defines her kids and possibly their children. I suppose it can be used for good and will shape their lives indelibly. The fact that my old friend Brenda is no longer with us has been on my mind so much these days. I pray for her children and I will pray for them today, especially.

Remember When?

Remember when you were just starting out, maybe in college or just getting ready to get married? For me it was 16 years ago when I finished college and got married. This weekend we went on a day trip South to celebrate my nephew's graduation from college. We were also celebrating his engagement and upcoming wedding plans for this Summer.

I am the proud Aunt to over 25 kiddos and young adults, but this boy was the ring bearer at my wedding. I do remember his arms growing tired from the weight of the ring pillow and the groomsman having to lend a helping hand. He was so cute and small, just four years old.

Being the youngest of ten, I started my career as an Aunt at the age of 11 and was the pro babysitter. It is with pure joy I witness these once children grown and entering the world as confident capable adults. Some of my nephews have families of their own. Many are entering and exiting college, faster than I can count. The oldest of the nephews is overseas on a mission trip, taking on responsibilities I can hardly fathom.

At the end of the month we will travel North for another graduation this time a niece, she was in my wedding also. I have to say one of the highlights of the day was hearing my great niece at age four share her plans for the future..."I wish I could be a mermaid, but I guess I'll be a dentist".